There’s never a dull moment in a blending family. Just when you think you have it waxed – well, everyone getting on a bit better than they did when you first threw in your lot together, at least – and you’re about to reward yourself with the first pat on the back you’ve allowed yourself in years, the rug zips from beneath your feet.
I was diagnosed with cancer last year (actually, one year ago today exactly), which although caused a bit of crisis didn’t create as much devastation as my 18 year old daughter’s sudden estrangement during my treatment. I say ’sudden’, as one day she was here and the next day she was on the other side of the world trying out living with her father, but she had been becoming steadily more withdrawn prior to her moving out. The venomous messages and accusations levelled at me and her stepdad knocked the remaining wind completely out of me. Nothing hurts as much as losing your child, they say; I believe them. I have no idea yet what caused it and need some answers, but more than that, I love her and miss her and want our relationship back.
I haven’t added a blog for months as I haven’t really known what to say. My book “In The Blender” is supposed to be a helpful, funny, positive guide to blending stepfamily life, but I haven’t been feeling very helpful, funny or positive lately! There’s little point in writing a blog if you’re not telling the truth, let’s face it – Life’s too short. But the truth in this case hurts more than I wanted to write about.
I have been for counselling and have spent many hours talking with family and friends about it. Everyone’s been supportive, but no-one can help of course, and it leaves me feeling desperate and clingy. As with grief, the pain abates for a bit and then swamps you again when you least expect it.
So I started researching the whole ‘estrangement’ thing, and have finally found a fantastic forum for mums, dads and kids who are estranged. If this is happening in your family, check this out: http://estrangedstories.ning.com. I have met others there who really CAN give me the sort of empathetic support I confess I really need, as they’re in it, too. Family estrangement turns out to be a growing social phenomenon, apparently, yet few people really want to talk about theirs. It feels shameful – as though you have to hide it.
Well, I’ve decided I’m not going to. I won’t divulge stuff that’s private to my daughter or that will jeopardise a hoped for reconciliation, but I will write more about how things are moving. Firstly, it might help me cope better with how I’m feeling, and secondly it might help you, if you’re in a similar situation.
If you are, do drop me a line – and visit the forum mentioned above. And have a hug.
This, too, shall pass …
MY BOOK “IN THE BLENDER” IS NOW AVAILABLE AT AMAZON – CLICK ON THIS LINK: http://www.amazon.com/Blender-Joanna-Danks/dp/1409294161/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1264516747&sr=1-1
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